Since I was 12 years of age, I have suffered from a little known psychiatric illness, called BDD Body Dimorphic Disorder. It’s an image disorder, that affects the way the person suffering from it perceives them self. Many of us think we are monstrous looking and see some one in the mirror that no one else see’s. Both females and males of all ages can fall victim to BDD. The person affected could be obsessed with their nose, hair, body, or any other part of them self.
In my case, I did not leave the house the entire summer after 5th grade, over my perceived appearance. My distortion left me to believe I had a huge clown nose, big pores in my skin, and a very elongated fasce. I stayed locked in my dark room and always wore something to mask my face even from my own family. And if I uncovered my face it was to examine and pick my face for very large periods of time. I litterly left the house 4 times, in the whole summer break and 2/4 times I kept my face covered, with a large bandage or bandanna. When I entered into 6th I would apply HIDIOUS amounts of makeup and even hid my face the first day of school. I was surly the black sheep at the time, which made me worse. Attending school was very rare for me. I missed so much my grades dropped to straight F‘s. I even ended up into the Psychiatric hospital that year, for a few days. When I started Jr. High, our family had moved out of are old town and I was starting in a new district. Though, I no longer masked my face or wore odd amounts of makeup, I was still VERY mentally unstable and anorexic, and was not able to stand staying in a school building all day. So, I allowed my self to go on a Digital Academy to heal. This was basically like home schooling, except I was doing my work through a computer. By the middle of 7th , my grades where increasing and by 8th I was getting A’s and B’s. During home schooling, I eventually joined a support group! I remember, being terrified around other teens and tweens, but they had treated me So nicely! There for, my mental stability, had become so much better I got involved in a local theatre for acting, which helped me gain enough confidence. Actually that was my start to going out in public EVERY day! I went back to school and was actually doing GREAT. I still had bad days but I was highly funcinable in society. I was codefendant when I first returned to high school, but later that all came undone and now I’m self conscious and having trouble leaving the house again.
I’m the Admin and my other user name on here is SoGyPsY
Can't Wait to hear from all my fellow BDDers
Thu Feb 12, 2009 8:22 pm